This morning I woke up tired (still adjusting to daylight savings). As I lay in bed I inspected my stomach. It looks flat when I lay down.
But then I did the thing that I do sometimes… I grabbed a handful of skin and pulled. I wanted to feel the distance I could pull it from my body. It felt like a piece of clothing on my actual body.
Then I grabbed my LEAST favorite spot, the fat on my back hip. I pulled and bent it. I dug my fingers to find my bones and shape underneath.
That chunk of flesh also felt like it was detached from my body. It was on me… but not me.
I felt a brief moment of annoyance in myself for starting my day with an anti gratitude body inspection. But sometimes it happens accidentally.
At almost 2 years postpartum from my 3rd, I am finally starting to feel more like me again. I’m not back to the fitness I was before baby Georgia, or exactly the same body weight… but I’m in the ballpark.
Most of the time, I’m not unhappy in my skin, especially when I am doing stuff. But I just wanted to share the honest truth that sometimes I catch myself in a crappy head space.
I know this will sound weird, but some days I feel like I am disconnected from my physical body, and that I want some of the outside pieces to change or go away. It is on me rather than is me.
I think those thoughts came from that anti-gratitude inspection I did…and I bet that a gratitude inspection would cause happy thoughts.
What we physically do impacts our minds and this morning was a good reminder.
Being mindful is a super trendy word these days…but I think mindful means intentional. I was not intentional about my actions or my thoughts this morning.
And they sent me down a frustrated rabbit hole. Tomorrow I will be mindful, and intentional about how I inspect and view my body. Maybe start a new ritual.
Let me know if you needed this reminder today… and if you’ve ever felt this.
P.S. Hopefully you don’t think I’m a total nut, but as promised my blog will be the real deal stuff.