This morning I woke up tired (still adjusting to daylight savings).   As I lay in bed I inspected my stomach.  It looks flat when I lay down.

But then I did the thing that I do sometimes… I grabbed a handful of skin and pulled.  I wanted to feel the distance I could pull it from my body.   It felt like a piece of clothing on my actual body.

  Then I grabbed my LEAST favorite spot, the fat on my back hip.  I pulled and bent it.   I dug my fingers to find my bones and shape underneath.

That chunk of flesh also felt like it was detached from my body.  It was on me… but not me.

I felt a brief moment of annoyance in myself for starting my day with an anti gratitude body inspection.   But sometimes it happens accidentally.

At almost 2 years postpartum from my 3rd, I am finally starting to feel more like me again.  I’m not back to the fitness I was before baby Georgia, or exactly the same body weight… but I’m in the ballpark.

Most of the time, I’m not unhappy in my skin, especially when I am doing stuff. But I just wanted to share the honest truth that sometimes I catch myself in a crappy head space.

I know this will sound weird, but some days I feel like I am disconnected from my physical body, and that I want some of the outside pieces to change or go away.  It is on me rather than is me.

I think those thoughts came from that anti-gratitude inspection I did…and I bet that a gratitude inspection would cause happy thoughts.

What we physically do impacts our minds and this morning was a good reminder.

Being mindful is a super trendy word these days…but I think mindful means intentional.  I was not intentional about my actions or my thoughts this morning.

And they sent me down a frustrated rabbit hole.    Tomorrow I will be mindful, and intentional about how I inspect and view my body.   Maybe start a new ritual.

Let me know if you needed this reminder today… and if you’ve ever felt this.


P.S.  Hopefully you don’t think I’m a total nut, but as promised my blog will be the real deal stuff.