No Crying in Baseball


Yesterday I was doing some things in my garage gym when I decided to test out a skill from a few months ago.  I was wearing an almost identical outfit, so I thought it would be cool to video it.

I did 2 strict toes to bar plus 1 strict pull-up.  Although far more difficult than a few months ago in September, the exercises felt fine.  I still do toes to bar and pull-ups regularly in CrossFit class.

When I jumped down to look at the video, I was bummed.   Clear as day was what is called “coning” or “doming.”  Basically it means that my abdominal muscles have separated to make room for baby, fairly common in the end of the second trimester and third trimester.

But…. the pressure and strain of the exercise was pushing my insides out through the separated muscle wall.

Yes, that is not ideal.

It doesn’t really mean anything is wrong, but if I do exercises that cause the doming or coning, then I can make the muscle separation worse, and cause issues postpartum with recovery….including a hernia and abdominal wall damage.  I stopped sit-ups a few weeks ago because I noticed it during that exercise.

Abdominal separation = ok; Coning or doming = should be avoided.

I’ve coached many pregnant women both in CrossFit and nutritionally.  Plus I am blessed with a few very talented physical therapist friends.   I know what coning means.   No more “bar” work like toes to bar and probably pull-ups.

It sounds so stupid but it makes me want to cry.   Each and every physical skill I give up feels hard.   I worked for thousands of hours to build the strength to do pull-ups and toes to bar and barbell snatches and…. all the other fun things.

It’s like a fun game to see what I can maintain as my body grows and changes.   But…to be fair…the game is what I can do… not what I should do.

I know at the end of the day my body will thank me…  Recovery will be better and I won’t inure myself.  I know all of that is true.  But it doesn’t help how I feel.

This may sound weird, but a huge part of my identity and life involves training and challenging my physical body.  Also, focusing on what my body can do, rather than what it looks like, is a foundational value of my daily happiness.  I preach it almost like religion.

I’m grateful my body knows how to accommodate baby girl by changing and separating.  She is far more important than something like a toes to bar.  But irrationally,  I feel sad….like tears sad.

Silly hormones.