Too Big for Yukon

Guess what popped up in my facebook “on this day?”

A picture of me, 38 weeks pregnant with Henry.   Makes sense because his birthday is just around the corner.

Looking at the picture I’m not sure if I feel excited or afraid.  Probably both.   I was cute but gigantic.   It’s hard to imagine my belly will probably be that big just 18 weeks from now.  I remember I barely fit in the drivers side of my Yukon.  A jeep is not as big as a Yukon.. lol.

I might not fit.

Last night I met with my very close friend and doula to chat about life and also chat about my birth plan.   Even though I’ve had two babies, I’ve never actually had a birth plan … or a doula to give me information and advice.

Talking with her, I realized I have a lot of fear and anxiety around birth.   It feels very medical and scary to me, rather than natural.   Over the next 20 weeks I am going to try to ease those fears and anxious feelings by learning more and asking questions and discussing those fears.

Even if my “birth plan” adjusts in real time, I want to feel more confident than I do right now.   My big question for last night…. “If I try to have the baby naturally..without an epidural…and I labor at home for as long as possible… how will we know when to go to the hospital?  What if we don’t go in time?”

What if…what if…what if…

My friend responded that, that it is her job to time the contractions and know when to go.   I can trust her and trust my body.  But.. we can go whenever I’m ready…if I feel uncomfortable… we go.

Is that day really only 20 weeks away?

Until tomorrow.