Today I fly back to Washington state from Florida. I am ready to be home with my boys. When I finish this email, I am going for a walk. One more lap of sunshine. I’m going to get coffee, one last acai bowl (I’ve had 2 on this trip), and stick my toes in the sand.
This weekend was focused, productive and valuable for me as a nutrition coach and business owner. The added bonus was a vitamin D recharge in the middle of a gray Washington winter.
I’ll be honest though. As a professional mom, I am forever conflicted. Because I work, I feel guilty that I miss time with my boys. When I travel, that feeling intensifies. Because Josh is deployed, it’s 10x.
I know other moms probably feel this too sometimes….even feeling guilty about other things. Quality time with friends, working out, going to school….and definitely going to work.
I don’t have any smart or conclusive tip to fix this feeling. I kind of accept it as part of the deal. I want to be home with my kids. I love and miss them. But I also want to pursue my passion. It is a part of who I am. It’s the way I’m wired.
I think just acknowledging the feeling is ok. The feeling helps me focus on being “present” as much as possible when I am with them.
Want more honesty? It just isn’t internal guilt. It’s the worry of judgement from others. What if people think I am selfish for working or traveling? What if people are wondering why I can’t just take some down time while Josh is deployed? What if people wonder what kind of mom has to leave her kids the morning after the loss of a furry family member?
These are crap thoughts I know. The rational part of me knows it’s ok….I’m doing a good job as a mom and I am helping people with my job. But that internal conflict is a bitch.
Thanks for letting me share honestly…if you have ever felt like this… I understand.