Fit Me Pregnancy Journal Day 120

Honesty…even when hard

 

I didn’t write you this morning…I got terrible news about a friend and didn’t know what to say.

Over the past year, I have become far more comfortable sharing real life….talking about it with you….and being open about highs and lows.

Writing has returned to my life as a sort of meditation.  It brings clarity, peace and even humor to challenges.

But sometimes I still struggle to write about really hard things.  I don’t have words to capture some of life’s biggest tragedies and sometimes even trying feels like it diminishes their weight.

Although this is a pregnancy journal, I didn’t tell you that 2 weeks ago a friend of mine delivered her baby girl stillborn at just over 30 weeks.   Her loss was unspeakable to me.  I couldn’t write about it.
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I wasn’t able to describe my own fears adequately and I didn’t want to tell you how I had to turn off notifications on her post just to mentally get by.   I think of her daily….but it felt selfish to try to write about her tragedy.

And this morning I found out that a lifelong childhood friend lost his battle with addiction.  I don’t know what to say… other than the world is less special without him.   He was a magical person and poison and sadness cut his magic short.

I’m not sure how to reflect on these two tragedies yet….but I felt like a liar not telling you about them….and how sad they make me.

I’m not the kind of writer yet that can use the rhythm of words to make sense of life’s darkest moments.  Twisty feelings and the desire to ignore it all get in the way of genuine reflection.

It’s easier to keep moving than stop and experience the pain of those around you.   What a timeless human dilemma that is.

Until tomorrow.

~Christy
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P.S. While writing this, Logan could tell I was sad and came over and gave me a hug without saying a word.   His hug was a perfect reminder of the beauty in human connection that can follow after darkness.