Fit Me Journal – Day 4

Just Me

 

I’ve missed writing these update emails.  I know they went from daily to about once a week…but I am ready to get back to writing again.

Funny, this journal is much less of an obligation and much more of a personal therapy.  Actually, I’ve noticed something.  Without utilizing an outlet to write my thoughts, they circulate in my head…and not always in a good way.

Writing allows me to process my feelings and observations and then let go.  When thoughts circulate in my head, it feels a lot more like worry or anxiety.  If you’ve never written a journal, I think this might be the reason people do it.

So…as Georgia permits, I will resume writing.  Right now I am prioritizing mental health over clean hair.  I am using what I know is a limited nap window to write rather than shower.  Oh well… you can’t have it all.

Georgia is 3 weeks old today.  Josh has been back in Virginia for a little over a week and we are slowly establishing a new rhythm.  The biggest challenge for me right now isn’t the sleep deprivation or nursing or diapers. Honestly…it’s isolation.

I think all new moms feel this at least a little but most are reticent to say it because it feels ungrateful.   It’s also something difficult for anyone to fix.  Regardless of visitors or helping hands a newborn requires a level of attention that necessitates distance from the world.

It’s wonderful, it’s essential, but it’s also hard.  I think the other challenge is balancing the social encouragement and support with reality.  Everyone cheers as you celebrate your new chapter…so you feel like a jerk when you feel sad or lonely.  Que hormones in the picture…and it is next level “feels.”

When all the anticipation hype ends, the big event happens…the “back to normal” life is unfamiliar.  But to everyone in your world….it feels like they are all “back to normal” for real.

So there is a gap.

I’m not sure if I am describing that well.  But I suppose the same truth exists for other major life events.   Retirement…getting married…getting divorced…a health issue….leaving a job….moving.

The funny thing is though, that a little isolation in all of these events is baked into the cake.  Depending on how you look at it, it gives you space…allows for focus and clarity.  And in fact, sitting with the discomfort gives you insight and self reflection.

That’s the optimist and coach in me. lol.

Don’t worry… I am doing great.  I’m not just saying that.  But as always… I wanted to share my real feelings.  Mostly to release them from my brain…but also because I know I’m not the only one who feels them.

Until tomorrow,

~Christy